The Cost (of Loving You) - feat. Calie Garrett
from The Seasons In Between LP by Jae Jin
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Includes unlimited streaming via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality downloads of Still Flowers Growin', The In-Between, Among the Rocks, Ember, Shoreline, Corner Booth (Feat. Sam Ock), The Seasons In Between LP, Jae Jin Live at the Bitter End, New York City, 2022, and 6 more.
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about
I wrote this song a while back, not really intending to release it (much like So Wrong) but decided to go for it because maybe someone needs to hear it.
The backstory addresses a handful of themes related to love. First, there is the universal struggle of the hesitation to step forward, to let go, and to love another person selflessly. Second, is the universal experience of hardships found in attempting to love someone who carries hurt and brokenness. And in that reflection, realizing your own brokenness and shortcomings. Then comes my honest acknowledgement that I was set in my ways to never entertain romantic love or let another person become a priority over what I believed to be a calling that demanded all of my focus. As a former hopeless romantic, I'm afraid I overcorrected, making excuses to reject every opportunity even when it could have been something amazing. Thinking I was strong and independent, I still selfishly sought out love like a kind of topical balm that I could simply apply to my own wounded body and ego when I had a moment to withdraw from the combat of creating art.
I've often struggled with the intersection between art and selfishness, and how the common thread of love intertwines itself in both. I wanted to write from the perspective of two individuals with opposing experiences. I wrote the first verse drawing from my own perspectives, and the second verse imagining the perspective of many wonderful women who I did not fully allow myself to open my heart to. (I asked my dear friend, @Caliemarie07 to lend her beautiful vocals for this verse!)
While the song seems sad, I see it as a turning over of a new leaf. I want to accept the love that I feel I deserve.
Saint Augustine said "Love begins with a smile, grows with a kiss, and ends with a teardrop."
That is the cost of love but also a reminder that it isn't without purpose.
This song is my own personal reminder of growth toward loving myself, and in turn being able to love others how they deserve to be loved.
The backstory addresses a handful of themes related to love. First, there is the universal struggle of the hesitation to step forward, to let go, and to love another person selflessly. Second, is the universal experience of hardships found in attempting to love someone who carries hurt and brokenness. And in that reflection, realizing your own brokenness and shortcomings. Then comes my honest acknowledgement that I was set in my ways to never entertain romantic love or let another person become a priority over what I believed to be a calling that demanded all of my focus. As a former hopeless romantic, I'm afraid I overcorrected, making excuses to reject every opportunity even when it could have been something amazing. Thinking I was strong and independent, I still selfishly sought out love like a kind of topical balm that I could simply apply to my own wounded body and ego when I had a moment to withdraw from the combat of creating art.
I've often struggled with the intersection between art and selfishness, and how the common thread of love intertwines itself in both. I wanted to write from the perspective of two individuals with opposing experiences. I wrote the first verse drawing from my own perspectives, and the second verse imagining the perspective of many wonderful women who I did not fully allow myself to open my heart to. (I asked my dear friend, @Caliemarie07 to lend her beautiful vocals for this verse!)
While the song seems sad, I see it as a turning over of a new leaf. I want to accept the love that I feel I deserve.
Saint Augustine said "Love begins with a smile, grows with a kiss, and ends with a teardrop."
That is the cost of love but also a reminder that it isn't without purpose.
This song is my own personal reminder of growth toward loving myself, and in turn being able to love others how they deserve to be loved.
lyrics
Every word that you speak
Is like a rope that's tightening on me
But you're the chair beneath my feet
Keeping me alive from underneath
I was afraid to take a single step
But you were unsteady too
I cut myself upon your broken heart
That was the cost of loving
you
With every word that I've said
I was reaching out with all I had in me
if only I knew how much you really cared
I wouldn’t fight against the dream you couldn't share
i just wanted to be seen, to be loved
But you were not ready to
I didn’t know this depth of loneliness
Would be the cost of loving
you
Don't say a word
Just let me walk away for now
Just hold me now
Too hard
Still feel you
To keep holding on
All around
Just need to know
I love you but I can't go on
That I'm not alone
This is the cost
This is the cost
The cost
Ohh
This is the cost of loving you
Cost of loving you
Is like a rope that's tightening on me
But you're the chair beneath my feet
Keeping me alive from underneath
I was afraid to take a single step
But you were unsteady too
I cut myself upon your broken heart
That was the cost of loving
you
With every word that I've said
I was reaching out with all I had in me
if only I knew how much you really cared
I wouldn’t fight against the dream you couldn't share
i just wanted to be seen, to be loved
But you were not ready to
I didn’t know this depth of loneliness
Would be the cost of loving
you
Don't say a word
Just let me walk away for now
Just hold me now
Too hard
Still feel you
To keep holding on
All around
Just need to know
I love you but I can't go on
That I'm not alone
This is the cost
This is the cost
The cost
Ohh
This is the cost of loving you
Cost of loving you
credits
from The Seasons In Between LP,
track released September 4, 2020
Song Lyrics Written by Jae Jin
Lead Vocal: Jae Jin
Female Vocal: Calie Garrett
Guitar: Justin Cho
Keys: DJ Estioco
String Arrangement/Violin Solo: Michael Lu
Prod: Justin Cho & Jae Jin
Mixing: Justin Cho
Master: Idrise Ward-El
Song Lyrics Written by Jae Jin
Lead Vocal: Jae Jin
Female Vocal: Calie Garrett
Guitar: Justin Cho
Keys: DJ Estioco
String Arrangement/Violin Solo: Michael Lu
Prod: Justin Cho & Jae Jin
Mixing: Justin Cho
Master: Idrise Ward-El
license
all rights reserved
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Apr 2024 -
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Apr 2023
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